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Children and their Love Languages

Updated: Oct 31, 2020

by, Lori Marie Huertas

I first became aware of the “The Five Love Languages” book by Gary Chapman when I was teaching at a private school. I found it in the library as I was looking for helpful resources for a Parent Meeting I was leading. The best way to describe my feeling after reading the book is that it reminded me of my thoughts as a parent after September 11, 2001.

As a parent it was a wake-up call about how the world was changing, what matters, and what children need to know more about. It also reminded me of when I first got my reading glasses and felt like I had 2020 vision. So fitting, that I am writing this article now in 2020!

The author, Gary Chapman, explains how people express and understand love through five languages:

  • Quality Time

  • Acts of Service

  • Words of Affirmation

  • Physical Touch

  • Receiving Gifts

I learned that an awareness of the "Five Love Languages" is a great resource for a parent's toolbox. The values of this book can help parents better connect with their children. Here is my cliff note version of each language.

Quality Time

Did you know that a child with Quality Time as his or her love language may be the child often found in time out at school? Unfortunately, such children may display challenging behaviors at school as a result of possibly not getting their needs met at home from their parents.


During times of COVid-19, relating to children that crave quality time is not an easy task, especially if you have more than three children at home. But here is one suggestion from a fellow parent:

· Invite the child to sit next to you before you read together. Look at his or her journal or drawings and ask him or her to tell you about it. This can help the child to be less disruptive and feel more connected to you. If connecting virtually when the child is visiting another family member or friend, schedule a one on one meeting through Google Meets or another platform.

Acts of Service

Did you know that a child with Acts of Service as his or her love language may be the child helper you have dreamed of? Unfortunately, this child may sometimes come across as annoying to siblings because of their desire to serve at all times.


· Let them help! Create a "Home Helper Badge" for each child with this Love Language.

Words of Affirmation

Did you know that a child with Words of Affirmation as his or her love language can start crying if they receive a school paper back with negative feedback and not one positive word? The great thing about this child is that because of technology you have many additional ways to write them words of encouragement.


· Write a few positive words in the child’s journal, on notes that you put in their lunch box or on their bathroom mirror.

Physical Touch

Did you know that a child with Physical Touch as his or her love language has a need to hug, hold hands with friends and likes a nice “good job” pat on the back? However, during these times of Covid-19 demonstrating this language may at times be challenging due to safety precautions when families are outside of the home.


· Families can focus on interpersonal connection through caring touch hugs and we can even feel touched through eye contact connection.

Receiving Gifts

Did you know that a child with Receiving Gifts as his or her love language may leave you a small token gift on your desk unexpectedly such as a picture they drew, or a rock or flower they found from the backyard?


· Create a treasure box that can be made out of cardboard boxes and filled with fun treats that can be picked up at the Dollar Store or even some collected items from nature.

Curious to what your Love Language is? Take the free online quiz:


Five Love Languages of Children, by Gary Chapman:

Lori Marie Huertas, MS


Lori is an Army Mom pursuing a doctorate degree in Higher Education Administration Educational Leadership for Military Families. She is a Blue Star Families ambassador, and a USO volunteer with a Masters in Counseling Psychology. She is a passionate bilingual professional who loves working at Barry University and transforming lives. She is experienced in working with children to best meet their educational goals and individual needs.

Lori's links:

· Abuela Love Song

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